In the, somewhat broad, sub-heading of this blog, I have written that this is to be 'a blog about books and reading, philosophy, people and ideas'. So far I have posted about books, and about reading, I have touched on philosophy, definitely expressed some of my ideas, and written a little about Jack Kerouac and Eugene Delacroix, although this was in reference to the books I had read about them. When it comes to people, my idea was that I wanted to write about people in my life, who have either touched me in some way or inspired me. In lieu of that, I want to dedicate this blog post to my friend Jacob.
I must have been about 14 years old when I met Jacob, who was one year older than me. We met on an incredible chamber music festival in England called MusicWorks - Jacob was a pianist and I am a violinist. We got to know each other very quickly - it didn't take long for us to connect over our love of chamber music. I remember sight-reading piano trios, quartets and quintets late into the night, laughing and having SO much fun. I particularly remember sight-reading Schumann's piano quintet with him one night - it was so inspiring as it was the first time playing the piece for both of us and was such a discovery of amazing music! After that festival Jacob went home and learnt practically ALL the piano chamber music repertoire that exists so that he would always be ready to play whenever anyone needed a pianist!
Jacob and I played together very often. It is a very emotional experience to share a passion over music so deeply with someone; perhaps this is because, through playing together, you truly get to know a person in a very intimate way. You get to see their most vulnerable side, share very intense feelings and create your own personal interpretations of the incredible masterpieces that you play. Jacob and I formed a piano trio with our friend who is a cellist, and together we studied and played a lot of music. We performed a lot, visited many different teachers and coaches and we also made a recording of the monumental Tchaikovsky Piano Trio.
I don't think I will ever forget the making of that recording. It was just around the time that we were finishing high school, so we had had to fit in our rehearsals in between our exams. The recording took place in a beautiful old barn in the English countryside that had been renovated into a concert hall. The Tchaikovsky trio is about one hour long in total, and somehow we were mad enough to record the entire thing in one day! It was an absolutely gorgeous day in June, and we started off the recording as cheerful as ever.... By the end of the day I think we were ready to kill each other! Making a recording is extremely exhausting work, playing tiny extracts again and again to get them perfect, and every time the old barn made a slight creak or noise we would have to start that section again. I remember we were finally on the very last page, and really starting to lose focus, and Jacob said, 'Let's just play as if we were really performing it to an audience'. I was in such a terrible mood at that point, but his advice did really help! Now I am so grateful for that day as we are left with a recording which I am very proud of.
Jacob was a real character. Music and food were his real loves, and I think all of my memories of him involve one of those two things! He had such a sense of humour too and could find a light in any sticky situation. Everybody just automatically loved Jacob; he had so many friends and people dying to play with him, and busy teachers were only happy to give Jacob their time. He had a way of making you feel happy, a contagious energy that just made you want to get up and go.
I wanted to focus this post on Jacob, his character and my story with him, but unfortunately it seems that in order to do that I have also to recount what happened to Jacob. Shortly after we made the recording of the Thaikovsky trio, Jacob was diagnosed with a rare form of Leukemia, with which he suffered for the next two years.
Those two years were incredibly hard for everybody - all of his close friends, but especially his family. But somehow, something also happened to Jacob during that time. He got this insatiable thirst for life. It was like he suddenly made a decision to squeeze all the life out of every single minute, every last drop of it. When he was well enough, he went to concerts and movies and operas as often as he could. He went to fancy restaurants and took his friends out too - one morning he phoned me and announced he was taking me out for breakfast, to a place down Marylebone High Street! He bought new clothes and also bought an amazing new piano.
But aside from the shopping, he also started to tell people how he really felt about them, and wouldn't let people treat him disrespectfully. I still have a text message from him, telling me that he thought my violin playing was sublime! I also remember overhearing a phone conversation between him and a colleague - it seemed that the colleague wanted to cancel some work that he had previously offered to Jacob, as, with Jacob's hospital visits and treatments, he thought he could not rely on him to be available. Jacob told him very calmly and nicely that, that would be fine, but he was still expecting to be paid the fee that had been promised him. I, and I know lots of other people too who feel like this, am always scared to have such conversations with colleagues and therefore have often not been treated in the way I deserved or been paid the correct fee. How inspiring, therefore, to hear Jacob standing up for himself with no qualms whatsoever!
I found Jacob's whole outlook on life very inspiring. Jacob really lived life at a million miles per hour, and when I feel down, or lost, or somehow discontent with my life, I think of this and it always helps me to get going again.
Jacob never stopped, right up until the very end. Our last concert together was about two weeks before that horrible message came. Jacob was so ill that he could barely walk on and off stage, and we had to help him. It was a concert of piano quartets - Mozart and Faure, with a movement of Brahms as an encore. The concert was totally sold out; the concert organiser told us she had never seen so many people in the audience before, or with such a positive reaction to the playing. The applause was loud, with lots of cheering, and I felt so truly happy to be standing there on the stage with my very best friends. That was the last night I saw Jacob - our last words were a promise to get together and play again soon. He died two weeks later, aged 21.
I want to remember Jacob, not for the tragedy that cut his life so short, but for the wonderful, amazing, inspiring person he was. I hope that some day soon I will be able to talk about him with our friends in a cheerful way - I want us to laugh as we share our memories of him, and not cry because of the sadness of it. He was such a happy person, such a bright star in our lives, and it would be so good to remember him with that same happiness. He certainly touched all of our lives, I miss him all the time and I will never forget him.
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